Tonga Mass was a Memorial

Tonga Memorials, at least this one which clearly was special lasted days. Days on end the singing continued as did the bbq. The people streamed in from all over and by all over I mean off the map...off the local map. Off the grid. In fact, truth be told I got to share in it by sheer opportunity of being in the right place at the right time. Wow...Again I feel lucky in the face of loss. Unexplainable, I know & agree. This time the loss settled in the home across the street. A man made church was erected on the front lawn with all the pomp and circumstance of the Tongan culture. The elder passed on 12/26. They put him to rest like a king. Like the king he was internally. I knew he was a king without being told .I knew it when his spirit soared invisibly above me and he gleaned with delight at the gathering. .He even visited me in my yard which made sense to me as his "sons" had climbed my trees to groom them on multiple occasion. I was amazed at what he showed me. A petrified gecko embedded in my dying, no dead, palm tree poised himself like the victim of volcanic lava...petrified in black for evermore.I NEVER would have seen this had his spirit not arrived in the middle of my anguished battle with the earth. See, I hastily and with great fervor was pounding the rock hard dirt of my woebegone land...he came to calm my restless angry ghost. He did it magically and I was/am in awe of him. No wonder he is so greatly revered forevermore. Black & purple drape adorned the makeshift church. The matted straw bedding, the costumes, the kids, the tutus, the pain, strength and by strength I mean amazing  grace strength . It permeated into the street. Tongan people are very strong and robust.. Happy by nature. The electric sockets full, the cars impacting, the food nurturing...ahh the music so bitter sweetly arrested my soul that I surrendered over and over again to the captivating front stoop on my home. There many moments of partaking in the mass without invite occurred, respectfully knowing I was welcome from afar. How could I not be. They were calling me..us. In passing I met the granddaughter of this tribesman who so gracefully passed from golden age and we hugged still not knowing names. Well, not specifically...we knew not name but we knew the word neighbor & so we hugged with understanding. I was witness to a mass I shall never forget. In peace and in passing....so be it.

I'm on the light side of the dark side of the moon

Fall 2011/1st. Winter 2012 It's around Halloween. Spirits are in the air. I awoke in the wee hour of the night. Headed to the living room. To my cd's. I reached out to an old school one I never knew I had and played it loud with head phones. My ears were blown away. I channeled Pink Floyd's drummer. Who does that?
Hard times keep coming. Where's the lemons. Where's the limes. I need aid. I have decided to always keep a bowl of them around, again*
Well, at least one or two. I wouldn't want the batch of overflow to spoil. No lemon should go bad. No lime either. The lemon tree very pretty, yes?I would love to have one or two. I'd mix it up. One lemon, one lime.  I do still have my mango tree presently and yes it is a present...but for how long is uncertain.. I'll no longer have a yard to plant a tree in. No hope of one either. Either Either Either. Other...so many paths, so many choices, so many decisions, so much fate. Fate, Fiction, Non Fiction, Faith, Former, Future, Trying to go with the flow is exhausting! It feels good to have a faithful fun partner to pair up with. I don't have that any more either. I hate the word hate. The feeling of hate nauseates me. Presently, I feel sick, tired, sick & tired, fed up. disgusted, scared, strong. Hard times keep coming and tho once again I'm a mess I'm grateful to be a healthy mess for I know this too shall pass but a deeper despair has never ever been felt and I have felt already, my deepest dark. The light glows somewhere. I'm searching for it like the dawn of a new day or the light side of the dark moon. 
There is a very awkward emotion vibrating off my feeling about Rod & all we were. Separately, collectively. The void, the dark void reverberates down my core which slides through the steep abyss called my body. My internal roller coaster has been activated whilst the stop button can not be located. So I breath. I breath through the awkward emotion vibrating off my feeling about all we had and were. I resolve again to cope with loss Yet again! I know how to by now trust me! Slow &steady I breath deep. I call on my warrior spirits to be on the ready. I never walk alone. It's a very energetically strong vibration in the air by my chakras. My fingertips are anxious. My left hand doesn't glide as easy. Moving like a spiny star fish which is not a fish at all. Its an invertebrate....invert...inverted spiney...love hurts. But it's okay because there is chocolate. There is even raspberry white chocolate. It's a stairways to heaven... to chocolate heaven...this ascent is so much better than the descent...Yum. Years of lightness and laughing replaced by yelling and yuck yet again replaced by laughter & light... I'm grateful for the shift past this present circumstance that appears unending...but is not. Change is near. Finally. It will be slow and steady and sure...the heat of these days are not as intense but the manual work that needs to be done is surely daunting. Daunting I tell you. Daunting. My yard has never looked worse and this wreaks havoc in the mind of a gardener. Havoc. I tell you. Can you see me. My left hand is upon my forehead and my chin is tilted to the sky in my most whoaisme scene. Scene # 75 if I were counting. The sweat drips down my hairline. A tear stays in my eye...my gut aches. I stand tall. Tired. Weak. Fragile. Vulnerable.The trash man goes by twice a week. I hear his truck. I only have one barrel now. Patience I tell myself. Patience. Aha...no worries...there is chocolate nearby.

TongaMass Gathering aka Sing a joyful noise unto the Lord Song....

Tonga must be an amazing place. From where I sit, and that's across the street so to speak, the sound coming from them is amazing. I will preface by saying I will be saying amazing a lot in this essay. Perhaps I should title it "Sounds of Tonga". It has taken a couple of amazing days in the making for this sound to be so strongly bravado! Both sexes have joined in. The kids have been sprinkling their energy throughout the air on the whole block all day long. The bbq smell has been waiving thru the air like gumdrops on icicles!!!! for two days. I think all the men/boys caught some fresh fish. They are preparing the meal too. I think I know that but not certain.. The women have been joyfully mulling about on the new ground under the new sky in the new shelter...gimme me shelter...they do that here on my street. And there is one in particular gal laughing her head off all the time. The whole neighborhood hears her. God. I wish she would never leave. Amazing. They all hang out all Saturday long on the makeshift home on the driveway weaving leaves and charming chants of glee all day are anticipated. Amazing. I am so lucky. Do they do that on yours. Maybe. Not everyone knows I bet. Not everyone knows. I'm just become quite aware myself.to the depth of the heart song that generates an abundant amount of positive vibration.amazing. My neighbors foster kids as well. I suppose that is why there prayer is weekly...for guidance and pace and peace and catching thrown footballs. You could bottle it I bet and send it off to there native land to regenerate the elders so to speak...the land. Did you know that Tongan Men sing like Angels in the sky. Profound Angels that reverberate the entire area, They are so alive I tell you. Alive. Amazing. What vies for top honor our the kids...the lil girl in particular who sheerks bye to everyone with innocence laughter and pure kidjoy. They are praying in song right now. Right this minute. They are singing to the angels on high...Strong. Sure. Faithfully. It's quite powerful. My chakras are responding in kind. What a blessing I behold. The love in the air can not be seen but if a ghost gleefully walked by the children would warm his chilly heart with the heat of laughter. The heat of Love. An element of life is made by hand on the driveway of the natives of Tonga that live in family homes kiddy corner both ways from me.. Brothers. How Ironic and Perfect is that....They line up with me in perfect sync & I am so pleased to be back here on this island absorbing this Amazing Aloha Harmony. Wherever you are, welcome HOME! It's Amazing......